The night before term starts, a lot of children discover a knot somewhere below the ribs that will not untie. Some of them tell you about it. Most do not, and it comes out instead as a sudden furious argument about socks.
Resist the urge to fix it
The instinct is to reassure, "you will be fine, you will love it, there is nothing to worry about." It comes from love, and it lands as a door closing. What a child hears is that this feeling is wrong and should stop.
The more useful move is to agree with them. "Yes. First days are horrible. I still hate them." Then wait. Children very often say the real thing about ninety seconds after the first thing.
The goodbye is the whole game
- Decide the goodbye in advance and describe it: two hugs and a wave from the gate.
- Do exactly that. A lingering goodbye reads as "this place might not be safe."
- Tell them precisely who is collecting them and when, in terms they can hold, "after afternoon play, not after lunch."
- Leave. Confidently. Cry in the car, which is what the car is for.
Watch the episodeFirst Day Back7:24Dr Priya Hale
Early childhood advisor
Developmental psychologist. Reviews our age guidance and keeps us honest about what four-year-olds can actually do.
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